Hell On Wheels In A Black Dress

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Mr. V: I’ve come to the conclusion that Mr. H is a taker.

Mr. E: What makes you say that, V?

Mr. V: Have you seen how when he learns of something new, some new fuel for his rage, one of us has to hold him back, and that person is frequently L?

Mr. E: Well, yes. L tends to tell him to relax a little, think nothing of it, change the topic. I’ve even seen him beg him to hold all that anger in, like a tiny finger feverishly working to stem a crack in a dam.

Mr. V: See, that’s just how H works. He lets the issue fester inside him slowly, like a soup, I believe. One long, delicious, simmering soup of anger. And he’s very adept at making himself angrier, just by replaying the same thought patterns in his head. L tries to arrest that by short-circuiting those patterns, by disrupting them before H gets enough momentum to fly into a blind rage.

Mr. E: Is it justified, though? I’ve seen him go off the handle at the smallest things before, he doesn’t exactly have ‘levels’ of rage.

Mr. V: H always comes through when he feels there’s been an injustice done. If he did something wrong, and is aware of it, then he feels remorse. But I suppose when anyone has put an investment into something, when they vouch for something, or someone, I guess it hurts to be proven wrong. Because, after all, what does that say about your decision-making capabilities?

Mr. E: But people always make mistakes, V, and they can’t always instantly tell if someone or something is what it seems to be.

Mr. V: That is a fair point, but let’s consider a typical case in the Legion: L falls in love with a girl, possibly gives her his heart. She drops it, breaking it into a few pieces in the process. Now, up to now this is pretty normal, yes? He feels sad, perhaps angry, and H is summoned from out of nowhere. So far, the investment is somewhat level with the pain felt from injustice. Suddenly, as L tries to patch the pieces together, the girl steps onto the pieces with her stiletto heels, piercing L’s hands in the process and breaking the pieces into even smaller ones. The injustices just keep on adding up, and the girl has no idea she’s even doing this. Before long L is asking himself what he did to deserve such savage, exquisite pain.

Mr. E: H loves it when that happens. He just goes into this brooding mode that like a thunder cloud was literally hanging above his head, and the moment he’s provoked he lashes out with such fury, it’s staggering.

Mr. V: That, he does. It’s almost as though every time L is hurt for something he thought he did right, H becomes more invigorated, more alive. More real. Maybe L is just being an emo drama king though.

Mr. E: Perhaps. But some of these things, V, there are no excuses in the world that would be good enough for them. Have you seen L recently? Looks like shit, stays in the corner all the time. Talks mostly in poems and song. He’s pretty messed up right now.

Mr. V: Quite. Go help him out.

Mr. E: He refuses anyone’s help. He tells me he just wants to be left alone for now, so he can heal.

Mr. V: That’s why I said H is a taker. He is taking all those feelings and pent-up emotion and expressing them in his unique manner, since L refuses to acknowledge them.

Mr. E: That can’t be healthy in the long run.

Mr. V: Good thing about H is that he tires quickly. Once the pot has boiled over and he let’s everything out, he’s fine.

Mr. E: Let’s hope it happens quickly before we all get toasted by him and join L in the corner.


Protected: Midsummer Days, Golden Rays

Sunday, February 1, 2009

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

After what seemed like an eternity of darkness, I tentatively opened my eyes, still thinking I was dead. Light flooded my vision like sunlight over the waves of the ocean. My ears were still ringing from the rifle discharge: V had shot into the air, but his gaze was still fixed on me like the withering frown of a stone god. “Know this”, he snarled. “If you ever let yourself go like that again with a girl, and make us look bad in the process, I will make sure the next bullet from this rifle has your name on it. You were foolish and sloppy, L. You thrust your heart away too easily, too cheaply. What happened to everything we had learned this past year about those creatures we call women? Have you forgotten how to act around them?”

His face contorted itself with a little twist of anger, before softening into a scowl of exasperation.

“I’d think after all you went through, you would know better. You disappoint me greatly.”

With that, he got back into the car, revved her up, and noisily drove away. I looked on as the silver sedan sped away, but I knew the lessons we both learned about women were very different ones. He became so much cockier and sure and invulnerable. I, on the other hand, learned that we were all lonesome creatures, and to forgive those who looked out for only their own interests: they had precious little left to share. It was only natural. Silly V.

I put one foot in front of the other: long walk back home, the sooner I started, the better.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Mr. L: What are you doing, V?

Mr. V: I’ve had enough of you and your incessant whining. I’m taking control. Take this shovel and follow me.

Mr. L: I know we’ve had our fair share of arguments, but this isn’t the way to solve problems, V.

Mr. V: What the hell do you know about solving problems? You just lie in bed all fucking day and whine like a little girl. Now get in the car.

Mr. L: I was just hurt, V. You know that it hurt bad.

Mr. V: I don’t know this ‘hurt’ you’re talking about, but it’s pissing me off. It makes you useless around here, it pisses off your friends.

Mr. L: Haven’t you ever loved something? Ever wanted so bad you’d hurt if you lost it?

Mr. V: Yeah. Buddha called it attachment. He also said it was the cause of all suffering. So stop it. Now get out of the car and start digging.

Mr. L: Please don’t make me do this, V. I know you better than that. This isn’t worth all the emptiness and loneliness. This isn’t worth the steel heart. It isn’t worth never trusting someone agai-


Who Are You?

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

V: Who are you?
E: I am my friends and my family, my relationships with other people. I am the company I keep.
A: I am a level 70 warlock in World of Warcraft, a fisherman in a virtual game, a tailor and enchanter.
L: I am looking for myself in the mirror and on paper, in music and on TV.

V: But that is what you do, now tell me who you are!
E: I am loud, proud, happy go lucky and full of comedy 😀
A: I am quiet, and usually keep to those who do the same things I do.
L: I am a listener, although I don’t remember things very well.

V: But that is how you act! But who are you!
E: Your mom.
A: *continues playing WoW*
L: .. are you hinting at something?

V: The question of who you are does not fall into categories easily defined like what your hobbies are, how you act, your job or quirks. Although they may make you a little more ‘unique’ in a loose sense of the word, having someone who looked and did the exact same things as you; who even spoke in the same way and liked the same things you do, does not make them you. What is it in you that makes you a unique snowflake?

L: You could say it was a soul.

V: Ah yes, but what is the soul if not the name given by man to all of the attributes I just described above?

L: A soul is something you could say we have, because we are self-aware. An animal has no sense of self, only instinctual preservation. The soul of a man is his painfully obvious awareness of his own individuality, and difference from others. A baby has no sense of self, at first. They think they are extensions of their mothers, and act accordingly. As they grow older, they begin to understand the beginnings of self-awareness, usually sparked by a fight over a toy. Ownership, or selfishness, lets us be aware that we want things for ourselves.

V: Are you saying babies are soulless? :/

L: …

A Dialogue.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

V: You’re being stupid, L. Haven’t we been through this before?

L: Yes, but I know there’s something more to this. Something deeper.

V: You’re being naive and delusional again. Work with what you have. Right now you don’t have much.

L: If we didn’t at least think there was something, we wouldn’t continue doing this to ourselves, right?

V: To -yourself-, you mean. I’m sitting here pretty fine telling you what an idiot you’re being.

L: You really think there’s nothing left here?

V: Like I said a million times, some people actually mean what they say. You should start holding yourself to it too, instead of changing your mind like a girl.

L: The ability to change our mind is what sets us apart from machines, V.

V: It also is the reason you’re weak and will never improve.