People Power

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I was talking with a friend today, and I realized that for the longest time, my confidence was a wreck, deliberately masked in layers of sarcasm or indifference. Someone once said that when I step outside my door, I put on a persona that is wholly different from the one when I’m with her. I found it intriguing at the time, but I didn’t realize how close to the truth it was. Generally, my emotions could be easily manipulated if you were smart enough, beautiful enough, or strong enough. I would compromise my own values to appease yours, and I had a rather cynical view of the outside world.

There is no revelation like realizing my value as a human being had been entwined with the opinions of those around me.

And I came to realize, at long last, that it wasn’t doing me any favours. People can see through personas, or they can at least feel something is amiss. I told my friend that I would endeavour to be less affected by other peoples’ perceptions of me, and work more on redefining a core frame that shapes my outward view of reality. After all, no one is better at being you than you, so why settle for being a mediocre you, tossed about by the expectations and views of others?

These few weeks have sometimes been learning experiences that leave me speechless. I find myself in the mirror, faced with uncomfortable facts about myself and the way I view people. But I do not deny it, nor do I make an excuse for being that way. It is unacceptable to me and my values, and that is reason enough for me to embrace it and change, regardless of political correctness or the social lies we tell ourselves.

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